Our Journey To Meet You

cake smash

Dearest Harper,

Your daddy & I knew we wanted to be parents but our journey to meet you was nothing we had ever imagined. When you think of infertility, you think of someone who maybe is out of shape, does not take care of themselves or older but certainly not someone who was 24 years old at the time. Mama was relatively healthy, occasionally worked out, had a decently well balanced meal, did not smoke and had the occasional drink here and there, Your daddy on the other hand was in ALOT better shape than me. Worked out religiously, ate insanely well and drank MAYBE a couple of times a year. Everything seemed to be in check but we struggled for nearly 4 years from start to finish. After trying for you naturally for a year (you lost a sibling during this time) my doctor advised us to seek a fertility specialist. Filled with so much anxiety, nervousness, and just flat out terrified of the possible hurdles we may face however at the very same time, we were so excited that we were a few steps closer to meeting you. 

gonal f
unexplained infertility

After all the preliminary testings were done, we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Meaning everything was in all working order but our doctor was unable to find anything wrong to explain why we were unable to not only get but stay pregnant. She advised the best route to go about this is to start fertility treatment right away. Fertility treatments can come in either pills or needles which makes your ovaries produce more than 1 follicle (egg) in order to increase our chances of falling pregnant. Our fertility treatment cycle started off with blood work that tests for the level of progesterone, estradiol, prolactin, thyroid and others that I cannot remember at the top of my head. In addition to blood work, they perform an internal ultrasound to measure the size of the follicle therefore it'll dictate the amount of medication that is needed to be taken. This was all done every other day in the morning, sometimes even daily leading up to when I would ovulate. When my blood and ultrasound results came back that I was about to ovulate in the next day or couple of days, I was given a medication called hcG that would make my body release the mature follicle. Then on, our doctor would give me a calendar for us when to do the "deed" 

bfn

2 rounds of Femur, 2 rounds of Clomid, another heart wrenching miscarriage, 5 rounds of Gonal F, all of which came back the dreaded "I'm so sorry your blood results came back negative". I cannot even begin tell you how many nights I spent completely soaking my pillow crying and hating my body. Something a female's body is meant to do, I was unable to. The years I spent wishing to be a mom, to feel your kicks in my belly and the hours spent daydreaming what your little face would look like. As the years went by, our hopes of becoming parents seems so far fetched. I remember when we went to your grandma's house and as soon as I walked in, someone asked how I was doing, I turned around and the tears just poured down my face. I spent nearly 4 years wearing a fake smile and on this day, I just couldn't fake it anymore. However, no matter how painful the procedures/needles were, the mental stress infertility has caused me, I would endure it all if it meant that you will one day be in my arms. 

ivf
ivf
trio fertility

June 2016, we were so fortunately that our names was pulled from the funded In Vitro Fertilization hat. IVF is a complex procedure that retrieves mature eggs from your ovaries, the embryologist will then take the sperm and fertilizes it in the laboratory. Once fertilized, the embryo is put back into the uterus and you wait for 2 weeks to see if the embryo implanted successfully. This procedure in Canada cost about $15,000 to $20,000 however because the government funded a huge portion of it, we only paid about $5,000-$7,000 out of pocket. We were so extremely hopeful because this is the most advanced fertility procedure out there with a higher success rate than all the other treatments available so we were so incrediably excited (and nervous) to start. The rat race started with blood work & ultrasound every other day, oral and intramuscular injections are taken daily. Once our results came back that we were ready to retrieve the follicles, we made our way downtown Toronto where the procedure was taken place at Trio Fertility. Unfortunately mama's ovaries were hyperstimulated therefore I produced way too many follicles so as a result, we had to put all our 6 embryos in the freezer and had to wait a month so I can allow my body to cover from the whole ordeal. 

frozen embryo transfer
bfp
we beat infertility

A very long story short, we transferred 1 frozen embryo which was straight out of the text book perfect and it had resulted in a negative result. Our doctor then implemented a new protocol with new drugs (yay more drugs) so we got back up on our feet and prepared to do it all over again. While I was in the midst of taking the drugs, something felt off. Something kept telling me to not continue with the medication so I decided to take a pregnancy test and to my surprise, there were 2 dark lines. Our doctor told us that your daddy will never impregnant me naturally and our only hope for a live birth was IVF but we got the biggest surprise of our lives.

its a girl
rainbow baby
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Harper, you were a dream we never gave up on. The fire in my belly to be a mom never died despite the many and many of hurdles we encountered. No matter the countless blood work, ultrasounds, procedures after procedures, negative tests followed by more negative tests, we never once stopped fighting and wishing for you. Being your mom for the past 14 months has changed my life forever and only because of you, I can finally say that our family is now complete.